Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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