Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
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I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
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I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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