it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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