I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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