Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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