DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize