I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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