You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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