Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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