saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You can't motorboat a personality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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