are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
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You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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