I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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