We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
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One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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