shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
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He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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