honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize