Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize