You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize