I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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