Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
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Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
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This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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