Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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