If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize