put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
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Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
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shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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