dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
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she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
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Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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