FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
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You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
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I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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