I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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