If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize