if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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