Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
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Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
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your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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