Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize