Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize