he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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