Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My bed smells like the plague
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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