so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
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I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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