she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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