I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He felt like a one man threesome
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize