i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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