He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
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sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
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I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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