i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize