walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
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I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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