Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
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If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
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Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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