I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
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I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
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All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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