Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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