This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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