a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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