Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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