so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
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One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
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I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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