Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
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I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
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Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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