ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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