After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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