She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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